on a darkling plain.

i am the child of the wasteland....a land of haunted houses and monsters i call father. dark talents run in the family, but i shatter the glass to let the moonlight in, not to destroy something fragile for the feeling of breaking beneath my fists. all i can do is scream, crawl out, and keep screaming. but i can hold the sparrow, mend its wing... i am the spring rain and the hurricane... the monsters cower now, not me, not you. *xn*

Saturday, Mar. 29, 2003 - 8:59 am

you know those stupid papers teachers want you to write, the ones about "an event/day that changed my life" and i say stupid because i was being asked to write those in elementary school. what could i possibly have to say- most kids that young are too young to have had something change a life that is just getting started- and if they have it was probably something traumatic- oh the day my father twisted my arm so hard he dislocated my shoulder is pretty eventful teacher.. and i never would have shared it. "back then" like its not such ancient history, but back then teachers did not get involved in families even if a kid showed up bruised all the time. i know. personally.

well soo i will be able to legitimately write a paper like that- i don't know when it will happen but sometime over the next week i am going to meet the - literally- most important person in my life. i can't explain it in words, not everyone knows yet, i still have to tell people when i get back but i had to document this moment somehow. here i am realizing its going to happen. so for the moment i'll let this lovely painting by an artist named david stand for me. i've never been able to create anything in this subject. if you are confused i am sorry, if not i hope somehow you feel happy too- you, the "you" in the darkness i will never know and the "you" i have gotten to know from doing this online journal thing, seems the rumours were true. sometimes something amazing does happen.

if I can find a kindly public library out there i may be able to log on- if not i'll be back and thanks for helping me through more than you know. writing and sharing here has helped me a lot- i can't explain it but it has. now if i can only find the magic button that will actualy SOLVE "everything" :) at least the road might be brighter now.. i hope. i wonder. i'll let you know.

(early the next day.. 3/30)

ps... i will be gone on my b-day.. april fool's day (yes strangely appropriate for me...) but please have a happy day and eat cake! tell "them " i told you it was okay to do it and to eat a lot of it.. today i am really on my way to Seattle and NYC is expecting *snow* ?

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