i am the child of the wasteland....a land of haunted houses and monsters i call father. dark talents run in the family, but i shatter the glass to let the moonlight in, not to destroy something fragile for the feeling of breaking beneath my fists. all i can do is scream, crawl out, and keep screaming. but i can hold the sparrow, mend its wing... i am the spring rain and the hurricane... the monsters cower now, not me, not you. *xn*

Saturday, Mar. 08, 2003 - 10:35 am

a present, for you.

a gross story. guaranteed heebies and jeebs from those you choose to give the shivers. weed out the ones who'd stomp something just because its small (to some people this matters...) :)

this is the best kind of gross story.. its true..fact.. and an act of animal kindness that when people are spitting out their mashed potatos via their nose you can look hurt (and a little pompous) and say "its an act of kindness! that should be held as a shining example of caring! and pity! and lack of fear of germs!- why when she..." and you can recount yet again the parts you noticed them turning especially green. it should finish the job if you are with people you don't like.

its about my mouse, virgil. i never set out to have a mouse as a pet- you know with six cats and two dogs, not really mouse friendly. there are also many different levels of gross people can't handle- just a mouse alone is enough to make the most delicate faint..

well my "policy" on mice are, if they are hanging from the mouth of one of the cats, i take the cat by the scruff and open the kitty's mouth. the cats seem to want to parade around with it showing off for a bit- so there is a little window of time. sometimes the mousie would fall with a plop and that was that. poor little guy. sometimes they would fall and suddenly come back to life and scamper the hell outta there. there was one period of time last summer we suddenly had mice- i think two people had moved out of the building, and to hike up the rent legally the management will "rennovate" to fill some law that says you can charge x-amount of rent if a place has been re-done in a certain time period. they tear up walls and make a lot of noise and place still looks the same afterward. whatever happened, there was a day once i found two mice looking up at me from a cat food bag and another scampering across the floor. we found a headless mouse one morning- so its gross even to me. i found the spots where the mice were leaking in plugged them up.

but one micro one got through, and got caught. it was so tiny it was just kind of inside one of my kitty's mouth, so when the drop came it was okay looking- but didn't scamper off. i had to shoo it. i opened the doors under the sink and it was sitting there looking very small and very pathetic- i shoo'd it again and it walked toward the back. Two more times i had to get a mouse out of the cat's mouths, and both times it was this mouse- the last time its foot had been injured in the cat tooth grab. and now it just sat there. well now its, clear i would just be waiting around for a cat to eat this baby mouse.

i picked it up by the tail and put it in a box. of course all the cats are circling around, even the dogs are curious- the poodle doing his circus dog routine on his hind legs trying to get a look. I check out the mouse for other injuries. i was thinking i'd let it go outside. but this mouse looked really injured- foot twisted, red marks all over its little body and an eye swollen shut. i took tweezers and looked at the red marks thinking these were tooth puncture marks. no they were red lice- all over the micro mouse body- this tiny tiny mouse had so many red lice all over it- it was literally being bled to death. i sat near the tub and began to pick off with tweezers the little red lice and crush them. a mouse who could curl up on a bed the the size of quarter had over 20 of these things on it. smash smash smash they went- some tried to make a break for it, smash. sure i don't have a super model stature and feet that can walk for miles- but i have excellent eyesight- ol' eagle eye merry, i can even see well in the dark (who knows why, no i can't shoot lasers out of them, that would have been fun tho huh?) so i am not only seeing the red lices but the babies they leave behind and the sacs those leave behind- pick, smash, yes i'm the gargantuan version to the mouse of the monkeys picking lice off each other but no, i didn't eat them.. i AM a vegetarian AFTERall..

the little mouse just sat there being poked prodded picked moved around. rick went over all the cats and dogs- nothing. the cats probably kept spitting this one out because it didn't taste very good. i re-postioned the little micro mouse paw into a better angle and figured if it healed this way it would be better to walk on. the mouse just sat there. i put water on a q-tip and tried to wash the little eye.- not much changed there. this was a tiny grubby little life, so small, how can anything be so small and have internal organs- a heart, lungs, brain, covered in fur and have tiny paws and tiny nails and little whiskers, so cute! funny to think as i am smashing something even tinier, but this was a creature under attack. my mommy-things inside got fired up i suppose.

the micro creature drank water off the covered end of a pencil- tiny pink tongue came out and licked at the drop of water hanging off. i soaked cat food and gave the liquified food in the same way. i was at this all day, obsessed with healing this mouse. i think i thought the little shaking thing would die anyway, and i just wanted to have made an attempt.

it was the same way i got my first kitty, in my first home of my own. trying to make the last hours of a dying injured creature comfortable but then the creature surviving to become a great animal friend. that was my tux cat sweets, who later died of kitty AIDS (yes they can get it, but no it can't be passed on to people) he was my "little butler" in his tux colored fur, always greeting people at the door, staying with me when i was sick. when other cats and a dog joined the menagerie he would stop scuffles and calm the noise with a big raised paw, the king of the house.., he is buried in rick's mom's backyard. one day in a page from the surreal, a large black and white tux stray was lying right on top of grave, sunning himself. he later passed away there too according to rick's family. rick's mom has since taken in one of that cat's surviving kittens and feeds the local babies and traps them in humane traps to get them spayed and neutered. my cat sweets is the angel over those kitties now it looks like :)

well the mouse has survived too. after awhile the mouse now named virgil smidgeon, put on weight and filled out, shiny and sleek. we took the "scrap o' life" to the vet and yes he laughed, but did a check-up. we had named this fellow virgil, but as it turned out, the virge-meister was a girl. and she had a lil' problem with her girl thingie and had to have lotion put on it :). so there she is, now out of the boxes she out grew in a full blown mouse palace on an upper shelf looking down on all the cats. she lives better than we do, square footage to size of life form wise. she will also eat nothing but cat food. recently, probably from some tiny unseen injury from cat's mouths, she lost her tail. but she's still fine, skippin' around up there, doing mouse housekeeping, looking like a walnut on spindly legs. she runs in her wheel and comes when you make kissy noises to the air holes in the 70's disco colored plastic to put a furry nose through and touch your finger. she sits in a neon colored plastic ball when her home gets its cleaning.

why do i do this. i don't know. i also help pigeons and birds and have healed up a few and released them. i wonder about pigees in the park and think maybe they are the children of the ones i saved. once i picked up an injured bird and a youngish junkie yelled at me- "you help tha fucking bird but you wont help me?!" maybe its because he chose to stick a needle in his arm and eventually end up where he is. we all have demons we escaped and horrors we lived through, we choose how to survive it in different ways- i just never wanted to end up in a way that expected others to clean up after my mess. yeah he needs help but giving him money for more drugs isn't help. somewhere all of us have a choice and forks in the road- these creatures never had a choice.

maybe its a not so veiled way to make up for extreme cruelties done in the past. i don't know, if i had the answers it would be a perfect-ish world. you just got to try your best to repair the sphere you are in and work outward- animals and birds and varmits just seem to flock to me, what am i suppose to do, turn them away? so here i live being trained by cats and dogs to feed them and pet them and entertain their funny furry faces and now we have a mouse in a disco colored plastic mansion.. no i don't have the whole explanation either, it just is. i like it.

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