Monday, May. 19, 2003 - 3:30 am
Yesterday early in the morning, that time where its so dark you don't know if its morning or night.. my little mouse girl Virgil passed away. She had always had "something" wrong with her. i wrote about her here with some humorous tone but i don't feel like laughing now, but thats her story then. I think it was cancer.. some kind of tumor was growing in her tiny body and for awhile, a long while really in mouse terms, we were able to fight it off. but it eventually took her, and she died while i held her. i was so happy she was in my hand. i knew what was going to happen and tried to make her feel okay and warm and not alone. i hate that just because she was so tiny some people don't think she was worth the effort to help her live. rick says she was with us a little over a year. it seems like the time went by too fast to be a year but then i think back and it probably was a year. she was so much fun to watch and know she was in her mouse palace, the plastic disco colored mansion, looking down on us all from her shelf. the cats were always fascinated with her in her wheel- looking up at who that tiny furry gal was-untouchable way up there. always a minor kitty victory to have climbed the shelves to get a glimpse.
her tiny body shook in my palm and i knew she was leaving. i swear her tiny soul passed right in front of my face- a pale blue streak of ethereal light. the little "scrap of life" soaring past me and i started to cry and say "fly baby fly fast- go go go fly!" i either saw and imagined at the same time green rolling hills and trees and her effortless sailing above them and heading out of sight behind the clouds and then she was truly gone. she left me. and i hope she'll one day understand that i didn't want her to suffer those last few days, but all i could do was clean her growing wound on her tummy and watch her- because i knew she was going to head out, and i didn't want her to be alone or laying in a corner of her little home- i still wished she would rally like she did when i first found her.. but in mouse years she had a longer life than street nature had planned for her. but the life she had was good, and she did all kinds of things that made mice happy. she was a tiny life that touched me and made me fight for her. i don't know why but i am glad i am not the type who would have just killed her or ignored her. it is life. i don't feel sometimes like i am a very good person, but i feel that if i am ever judged i will have a few angels on my side. i have this picture in my head that if there really are guardian angels, mine are squirrels, cats, dogs, mice, birds, and a ladybug.
bye tiny Virgil, go on and fly now.
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